Why Fewer People Are Showing Up—And Why That Doesn’t Mean You Should Stop Hosting
Let’s be real: planning an event is no light or small thing. Whether it’s a dinner party, a professional mixer, a launch party, or a community gathering—it takes time, energy, and money to bring people together. You're curating an experience for your guests. You’re preparing for connection with like-minded people. You’re investing in a vision and hoping others will see the value in it too.
So when people don’t show up—when RSVPs turn into no-shows or invites are ignored—it can sting and make you feel embarrassed. Rejected. Or questioning whether people actually care. But I want to offer a reframing: this is bigger than you.
It’s also not always about you.
We’ve all been there.
We Are All Making More Calculated Choices
Since the start of the pandemic, everything has shifted—including how we decide where to go, what to support, and how much of ourselves we’re willing to give away. We’ve grown more protective of our time, more intentional with our energy, and more cautious with our money.
We’ve also become more grounded in the reality of what it takes to simply leave the house:
Can I afford this Uber, gas, or outfit?
Do I feel safe being in large crowds again?
Am I socially recharged enough to fully engage?
Can I justify the cost with my current debt, bills, or job instability?
And for many people, the answer is no—at least not today. This isn’t a sign of laziness.
This is self-preservation.
So when someone doesn’t attend your event, it’s rarely about their perception of you. It's about their capacity to do so. When you imagine all of the reasons why someone may or may not be able to attend your event, you can breathe knowing it’s not simply because of you.
The Myth of Popularity in the Age of Influence
We live in a world where likes can be bought, followers faked, and invitations filtered through the lens of social status. And it’s frustrating at times. We’ve been conditioned to believe that popularity means success—and that a packed room means we’re winning.
Popularity doesn’t always imply success.
Newsflash: Popularity, especially today, is not a reflection of personal value. It's an algorithm. A mirage. A moving target designed to keep us comparing instead of connecting.
What we should be chasing isn’t popularity. It’s alignment.
What Alignment Actually Means
Alignment is gathering people who care—not just about you, but about what you're creating. These are the people who get that you’re doing and have thought deeply about the topic, the product or your service and how it matters to them.
Alignment is about hosting with intention and creating space where people feel valued, not just seen. Anyone can show up to a nice event with their nice outfit and take a nice photo. But reaching people where they feel valued for their time and energy—that’s special.
Try asking:
Does this experience serve the people I’m inviting?
Do we share values, vision, or energy?
Will this moment mean something beyond the Instagram recap?
When your event is aligned with who you are and what you value, the room may not be full—but it will be right.
How does your work, product or service impact those around you?
Show Gratitude for the Ones Who Came
It’s easy to fixate on who didn’t show up. Maybe it was someone you really expected to be there who couldn’t make it. Or perhaps a relationship you felt would be a for-sure guest didn’t bother to RSVP. These situations can cause feelings of deep emotion. But what if you shifted your focus to the people who did show up?
They made a choice, too. They carved out time, rearranged schedules, maybe stretched their budgets just to be there with you. And that deserves your full presence.
Celebrate them. Thank them. Nurture those relationships.
It’s not about numbers. It’s about impact.
Extend the Same Grace to Yourself
On the flip side, if you’re invited to something and you can’t go—don’t guilt yourself into it. You have the same right to assess your time, energy, and capacity. And no, this doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate actions that have been done to you such as ghosting or RSVP no-shows. But, as mentioned earlier, there are plenty of valid reasons why you might not be able to show up. Remember: You are not required to attend every event to prove love or loyalty. Showing up for yourself and tending to your needs is showing up.
Sometimes you just feel like staying in. That’s okay.
And what if the reason you can’t show up is personal? That’s valid too. Boundaries are a part of alignment.
Final Thought: Keep Hosting Anyway
Don’t do it because you want to be praised. Or because you need to be seen. Do it because creating space for people to gather is a form of generosity, joy, and hope.
Keep building meaningful moments—and the right people will find their way to them.
